A Daily Masquerade … The Pain Hidden Away.

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At some point in time, we’ve all donned a mask for those around us.  Pulled ourselves up by the bootstraps.   Put on our big girl panties.  Stiff upper lip, chin up o’ chap, sort of thing.  Just got on with it.  Stuffed it away to unpack it and deal with it later in private or for ones like myself, just stuffed it away in hopes to never think of it again.

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So, Why the Mask?

I wear the mask to hide the pain of my past mistakes.  The “what if’s” haunt me.  The “should have said this” or “should  have done that” syndrome torments me relentlessly.  Why do I let it?  What possibly could have happened to make me question such things?  Still far too raw and festered to play around with openly.

I loathe admitting this, because it makes my stomach churn when I do … but I let a man get in my head.  (So not all of it, there is a much more complex web of junk that I’m just not ready to spill out here yet.) A man from the past.  A man I trusted.  Yes, for those of you reading who think you might know what this is, I’m still reeling on about it.  Until I take this damn mask off that I think makes everyone feel better to being around me, deal with the past, get to the root of the problem, stop putting those temporary band-aids on it … I will never heal!

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Who is the Mask really for … You or Them?

At first, I wore the mask for my benefit just as much as others.  I didn’t much care to deal with the “What’s wrong?” question, so I became well versed the art of mask wearing.

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Over the course of months and years, I’ve collected many masks.  One for each positive emotion. Became a master at switching them out unnoticed when the need arose. Because I’m sure my true nature would rear its ugly head from time to time in the beginning.

I don’t much care to have my feel bone tickled.  Nor do I play well in the feelings pool when it comes to sharing the negative emotions.  I tend to keep those locked up in compartments they really don’t belong in.  Because I’ve filled the ones they belong in to the brim. Locked them with a key, in all truth, never to be opened again.  But, I didn’t empty some of the contents of the feelings packages before I dumped them away.  Now they are locked in there swollen and festering.

Too long I have stuffed them away.  It’s time to clear out the over-cumbersome baggage of the past.  Release myself of the anchors of guilt and shame that weight me down.

Time to take the mask off and set it aside … flaws, negativity, raw and real.  I’ve made many a mistake in my past and will be the first to admit them.  Perhaps this is my place to heal a bit?   

In closing, I leave us with this…

 

[Tweet theme=”tweet-box-shadow”]”Don’t live life in misery simply to please others. Be Authentic. Be Genuine. Be True. Be YOU!” ~Cecilia The Enigma~[/Tweet]

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