The Anatomy of This Pain

The definition of anatomy is the science dealing with the structure of animals and plants. This pain raging within is an animal in and of itself. A complete entity. Something that is all consuming. Why it has to rear its ugly head in the wee hours of the morning is beyond me. However, this is when it’s the most active. The most angry. The most relentless. The most unforgiving. Just filled with all sorts of ‘the mosts’.  

Its been awhile since I’ve been in this much agony. I don’t throw that word around or use it lightly. I can deal with pain. I don’t like it. I’d much rather not have to, but I’ll deal with it. This agony junk is a completely different story. Have got to impress upon the Neurologist somehow that this has no quality of life to it what-so-ever. Am only 6 days into the Lyrica. It can kick in as soon as 10 days or as far out as 30. Of course, it would be my luck to have odds like that. No guarantee its even going to work at all. My shirt touching my shoulders is enough to want to send me into shrill screams 6 days off meds. What am I going to feel like at day 30? I can’t even think about that at this point.  

So many irons in the fire that are just being left in the fire.  I don’t want to leave them there!  I have the desire to get busy and DO SOMETHING!  Spending 8 months in my bedroom laid up in bed is driving me bonkers.  Enough of this madness!  These four walls are closing in on me.  Pushing their way too close for comfort. 

Yet, the doctors are so quick to say, “Get up. Get going. Do. Go.” Sure! Let me just tell my legs to cooperate. I’ll make sure they get the memo to stay securely underneath me without failing.  Let’s not forget my arms.  Or I suppose I could go without brushing my hair that day.  Because they have a tendency to fail me mid way through brushing my hair.  By fail I mean true to fact, they fail … flop to my side fail me. Just brushing my hair does this. 

It’s taken me roughly 18 hours to write this far.  Back to the pain filled part of the cycle.  Why in the world does pain and fever come back so much stronger at night?   

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