With the no sleep comes the sleep walking. It’s the only explanation for what has been happening around here lately. I woke the other night sitting on the side of the bed with the TV in the living room blaring, my bedroom door open – which doesn’t stay open while I sleep, my meds were on the bed in the plastic basket I use to gather them when it’s time to sort them out for the week, … the list just keeps going. Felt very much like I didn’t really know where I was or how I had gotten there for a few seconds. Not a good feeling.
Of course, with all that, it rears my depressions ugly head. It always manifests as anger. I rarely get the weepy depression. If I’ve reached the weepy depression, I’m on the verge of a hospital visit with a possible stay in my future. Thus far, by the time the house mates wake in the morning, the anger has been worked out by doing odd jobs around the house. Poor house, I get angry and take it out on the house. I’ll usually clean something on the end of the house I occupy. Or I’ll completely re-design something in sticker world. Madness! But, it’s my madness and I’ll take it over having something new pop up.
Since I’m writing of madness, I’m still not even with the Rexulti again. I wake after only 2 to 3 hours of sleep to a case of “flight of ideas”. I’m sure that is when I am manic along with being angry. If that is possible? The well organized thought process that I had going before the med change is no more. It’s as if someone took all those well organized thoughts and just threw them all up in the air and turned on a wind tunnel fan. They do nothing but swirl and whirl in a massive cyclone in my noggin. I catch glimpses of each one but never enough to see the thought completely through till the end before I’m off on another one.
Oh, look! Squirrel!
At least by the time the rest of the house wakes, I have put in a full days work ( 8 hours usually – maybe 9 ) and have settled down quite a bit. That way they don’t have to see or put up with an angry, manic, in a flight of ideas gal. Because I’m sure it’s not a pretty site.