To Post or Not to Post …

I’ve been riding the fence whether to post or not since it all happened and finally I’ve mustered up the nerve to do so.

On the 2nd of Oct., I was seen by ARNP Paula for a med check.  She had put me on Rexulti for schizoaffective disorder and it was then time for a check up to see how things were going.  It was a bad tremor day for me, she noticed, and decided to take me off of Rexulti right then, cold turkey and put me on another med that very day.  I was instructed to take 1.5 mgs. before bed, she only had 3mgs in her car, but that they would be easy to half.  She had the samples in her car and when she came back with them they were extremely hot so, she advised me to put them in the fridge when I got home.  I raised an eyebrow to this request but, said nothing.

I called the office to ask for different samples the day after the appointment however, she was not in that day.  Therefore, no samples.  Then I was asked which samples were given.  So, I told the Receptionist I was given 3 mg capsules instead of 1.5 mg tablets.  The Receptionist, whether or not she was supposed to say this out loud or not, she did, said; “I’ll have to report this.”.

Up until that visit, we had a decent patient/NP rapport, or so I thought. At a prior visit, she supplied me with samples of a new medication, in place of Rexulti, which did not work for me in the capacity in which was prescribed.  Rexulti, as you all may know, was prescribed for the schizoaffective disorder.  The new medication, which I can not remember the name of, was also prescribed for the disorder, but upon reading about how long it can take to become fully active in my system it read 2 to 3 months.  2 to 3 months!!  I don’t have that kind of time to wait to have a med take full affect.  Not for this disorder.  All my old demons came back, along with a few new ones, in rapid succession.  I was falling into sheer stark madness!

Now, fast forward to the visit with ARNP Paula.  She came into the exam room with a chip on her shoulder from the get go.  No formal niceties. Just straight to it.  She started flipping through my chart as if she were searching for lost treasure.  She came upon the part where I have seizures.  It plainly stated in there that I have Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures PNES.  She proceeded to call them “Fake” seizures and when I tried to explain them to her she talked over me the whole time.  Wouldn’t listen at all.  Finally, she says, “You are faking seizures because you’re not getting your way!  Is that it?”  I was so shocked I could barely respond to her.  She knows exactly why I have seizures.  So I reminded her the seizures are a direct result of triggers of a sexual assault that happened in 2008.  She was reading further in my file and she came across the diagnosis of PTSD and she asked, “Is that why you have PTSD?”.  At this point, I was beyond angry.  I was furious!  My heart was racing and rattling my rib cage.  I could feel the tears rolling down my cheeks, but there were no sobs … just tears … and pure unadulterated rage behind them.  I wasn’t even there to talk about seizures!  She doesn’t treat the seizures!

She continues on to ask me why I didn’t partake of the three week Physical Therapy invitation at the Mayo.  That it makes me look like a “Non-compliant patient” for not accepting the invitation.  I spoke up with tears still rolling down my face, that she advised me the program wasn’t for me.  It was for people who were coming off very high powered pain medication and that I was not coming off anything like that.  She huffed and moved on …

She brought up another highly personal and quite sensitive topic here.  I spoke up once more to let her know right away that I was upfront and honest with her about this topic from day one.  I reminded her that she had told me, “As long as you are honest with me, I will help you.”  Once again, she huffs and keeps flipping through my file.

She finally looks at my left leg to see how very swollen it is.  She asks if I’ve ever had a blood clot before and I respond yes.  She snaps back at me that it’s not in the file.  I finally have had enough and snap back that my medical record doesn’t start at their facility.  I have extensive medical history in Indiana as well.  She whirls around and asks why they don’t have that info.  I respond back that was an in house issue because I filled out all the necessary forms to get every last piece of info on me faxed over.  Finally, she looked me straight in the eye and told me, “if you would stop gaining weight and actually watch what you eat, you won’t be swollen.”  I spat back, “Excuse me!”  She looked back at the file one more time and then got her phone out to calculate something.  Then she come back with, “You are fat!  You need to lose weight.  Then you won’t swell.”  I lost it!  I’m not at all sure what I said, but I know I told her to check that file again because I’ve been losing weight.  She did and her tone changed when she saw that I’d lost 2 lbs in one week.  Her whole demeanor changed!  She said she was proud of me and she knew I could get those pounds off.  ~Boggles~!!

I sat there in a state of I don’t even know what to call it.  I was ready to walk out, ready to drag her by the hair out the door behind me and throw her into traffic. And I was also just ready to leave and not even look back.  Most of all … I just wanted the hell outta that room before the walls caved in around me.  So, I got up and started to open the door then turned to her and told her, “I think you owe me something”.  All she said was, “I know”.

You know?  You know!? You KNOW!

Ut huh!  Nope!  Ain’t going out like that.  Needless to say, I won”t darken the doorstep of her office ever again.  Come to find out, she was upset with me for getting turned in regarding the samples I called in about.  So, instead of being an adult about the situation, she in turn comes at me and attacks me in every way possible.  Is that really professional?  Not in my mind.  I’ll seek help else where with someone more trustworthy, less dramatic, and better qualified.




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