Two Steps Forward, Ten Steps Backwards

Last year was the year of growing pains within this household of three strong-willed adults.  However, it seemed I was the one called on the carpet time after time.  The big one was my character being questioned and being told I was selfish.  When I thought the whole time that was the idea of moving down here was to concentrate on myself for once.  But, as everything that sounds too good to be true, it is.

The Nephew hasn’t worked since May of 2017.  No sooner did I get here it seemed that he lost his job.  Pretty convenient, if you ask me.  Not only that, I paid nearly double the rent he did.  Was pretty shocked when I learned this.  But, when he lost his job, it fell upon me to cover his cost of rent.  I didn’t want to at all!  But, the whole ship would have sunk had I not.  So … since May, I have been giving all but $200 of my whole disability check to cover the cost of rent, and that still leaves us with a $100 left for Sis to pick up.  I’m sure if she thought she could get away with it, she would ask me to hand over my whole check.  

This whole time I have been paying so much out of my check to keep a roof over our heads, my personal bills have suffered.  Because I haven’t been able to make even the minimum payments.  So, my creditworthiness is shot out of the water.  But, that’s okay … because no one else in the house has credit either, as Sis likes to remind me.  As if that makes me feel better.  Would be nice if one of us did … or not.  Who am I?  I know nothing.  

Before the Nephew moved to Florida, he needed to be spotted some money to get here.  So, I helped him out with a few hundred bucks to get him from point A to point B.  Because the words, “I’ll pay you back” were never spoken, I wasn’t to expect to see any of that back.  But, since I borrowed $25 from him and uttered those 4 words to him, my character was brought into question.  I brought up the amount of money I gave him and told him that I just assumed we were good because I felt he owed me.  But, no … that is not how he saw it at all.  I was the one that uttered those words and needed to make good.  Nope … ain’t going out like that!

Tonight, I overhear their conversation about how he thinks that I am expecting to be paid back by him for helping out as I have been and paying this extra money for keeping the place going.  Now, he and I have had a face to face conversation about this very subject.  I’ve explained why I feel I should be paid back, at the very least, partially.   I’m not expecting every dime I’ve put in to help back.  I have even gone as far as to tell him I would much rather see us all putting a down payment on a dependable vehicle since we only have the one.  A damn face to face convo, and he’s trying to sell Sis on the concept that I’m expecting every dime back?  Needless to say, this grated on every last nerve I’ve got left.  That’s really putting it mildly.   I have put forth $700 dollars towards rent all but one month since May and the extra $200 that didn’t go toward rent the one month went right back into the household for goods that were needed for keeping up.  Not to mention the $350 that he owed me for helping him out … I put $150 of that back into the household because it was needed.  Who’s being selfish now?

Seriously feel that Sis and I would be good for one another here in the house if it weren’t for him being here.  He’s actually told her not long after I moved in that he felt I was trying to “sabotage” him.  Just how in the world am I to do this?  And for what purpose would this serve?  I have absolutely no clue where this thinking comes from nor why he would feel this way at all.  I loathe living this way!  I genuinely feel like I don’t belong here and that I need to get out of here like I did last year.  Just when I thought we had put all this behind us and moved on.  It’s not behind us at all!


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