A Not-So-Typical Typical Day

Start of the day is taking my blood pressure first thing.  Today’s starting point was lost because I forgot to write it down.  If I don’t write it down, it’s lost in a haze, never to be seen again.  So .. I wait a bit and re-take it. Vowing this time I won’t forget to write it down.  Only, I can imagine you can guess this one … exactly … I forget again.  This was my morning.  At around 6:30 a.m., I am about ready to throw punches at myself.  I have sat here with pen and paper in front of me, wrist BP cuff on, and looking at the pen and paper the whole time until that little beep rings out into the silence of the room and it breaks my train of thought to remember and its all over but the crying because I, every time, hit that little button that will end and remove all the numbers I need to start my day.  Why is the BP so important?  I honestly don’t remember…

With all that, I decide to go ahead and just forego the BP this morning.  I’ll just take my morning meds, be done with it and continue on with my day. But, a dizzy spell, a real show stopper this one is, stops me in my tracks.  I push the event button, wait for the beep, scroll to the dizzy button, hit the little red button once more, scroll to resting, little red button again … okay finally monitoring.  They have no clue how hard that is to do while you are violently spinning out of control.  All the while reminding yourself this is to find out why this is happening to you.  Remember, 30 days of this is for a good cause.  But my track record of good causes and finding answers medically do not hold a good ratio.  Dismiss it.  Remember what Drew Bug told you … “You’re not in Jasper anymore.  You are here and down here there are people who really care and want to do their jobs.”

I look around me and my lists have lists.  The other day, I forgot how to work the alarm on my phone.  The Alarm!  The most basic … I consider myself a rather tech driven 40 something.  Fairly in the know as far as up and coming techie things.  And to not be able to remember how to work the alarm really bothered me.  I brushed it off in front of Sis.  But, inside … it liked to have whittled me down to shavings.  I was near panic attack.  I use my phone and tablet to get me through the day.  And not by helping me along, no … I mean wholeheartedly help me.  From medication times, to posting blogs, to doctor appointments and locations to phone numbers and addresses and so so much more.

Tomorrow is another doctor’s appointment.  A new doctor.  An Internal Medicine Doctor.  She is the new Primary.  Am not looking for answers tomorrow.  Only a walker tomorrow.  That would be nice.  Am tired of walking around like an un-oiled robot.  Am tired of walking around with my head feeling as if it weighs 100lbs itself.  But I’m not sure they have a cure for that.  Would love be able to remember again and forego the lists another 20 years.  Not sure that will happen either.  

I’ll let you know what happens … 

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